Your Phantom
by XaviaSatellite
Summary: "What is this prison, but an early grave if I am not reunited with you but in dreams?" Drabble. Spoilers. Post XIII.


I remember you saying we live to make the impossible possible. Heh... What was the word you used for when things were over-the-top, like how that oaf Snow would make a big show of everything? Corny? Well darlin', that line came real close, if you want my honest opinion. But it was true.. Not just because of the situation, but the way you said it... You meant it with every fibre of your beautiful being, standing there with the rest of us, ready to kill that bastard Orphan die trying. For your sister. For your home.. For us. Us, and that included me. You knew I thought it would be the end of Vanille and I, and knew just how to reassure me that it wouldn't be over after the fight. Same side... All of us. You believed it.. And, so did I. No one has ever been able to change my mind like that... To have me believe against my own logic.

I'm sorry 'bout the way things have turned out, Sunshine... you probably wouldn't believe me if I told you I love you. I never got to say it, and... I may never get the chance. But part of me knows that I've already injected myself into you, and I am a constant whisper in your mind.

What is this prison, but an early grave if I am not reunited with you but in dreams?

I feel like I am killing you every time we connect.. I see the hope and bewilderment in your eyes when you catch sight of me, soon followed by relief and happiness. A joy I have never seen outside of these visions. And though it is in dreams, I know this is what you feel in your heart. Do you know how happy that makes me? To realize I have the power to set your soul free. Do you feel the weight of it?  
Of course not... Because every dream must end, and you must wake. I love and hate the way your lashes flutter.. lips purse in agitation as you are pulled out of the lush comfort of sleep. I watch your digits twitch and you sometimes move your feet about among the covers. Sometimes the moans stir in me passion that makes me proverbially writhe with the discomfort and dissatisfaction of the yearning I feel for you, and I know I should feel guilty for thinking of such a thing in a situation like this.  
You are not awake yet, just fighting a losing battle to hold onto the unreality. I know it doesn't help that in the last moments of your blissful and tortuous vision I reach out for you. I can't help it... I don't want it to end any more than you do, and though I know it must.. I am a fool out of my own desire.

And finally, you breathe awake, and I get to see the morning light reflected in your glazed sapphire orbs, confused and wide with longing. The day hits you, and you rise, heart beating faster as you shake out that cherry-blossom fringe that falls in front of your face. When we first met, I thought it was a strange color, but now it makes me think of comet's tails, with their bright yellows, blues, oranges, and your pink.

I watch helplessly, unable to wipe the tears that fall in your breaking, wanting to be the hand that catches them instead of having to watch them sink lonely and lost in your bed sheets. And then that hand would wind around and catch you around the neck where the mother gorgonopsids carry their young, tangle my fingers in the soft pink tresses that reside there, and bring you closer to my waiting lips. There would be a merging in the crash, and my soul would bind to yours. In that moment you would know that everything will be alright, that I am here, and you never have to cry alone anymore.

But for now... I am nothing more than your phantom who wonders if she should stop visiting you.. Because this torment you go through makes me think of the suffering and relief that Orphan put me through, on our last night together. Relief. Pain. Relief. Pain. Your elation in seeing me.. then sadness as I vanish as you wake. The thing that keeps me coming back is your smile, and that glimpse of Claire who comes out only for me. I want to coax her out bit by bit... See her bloom again out of you. She is beautiful, Light. She is you.

I will continue to hope for the impossible, Sunshine. And I will never leave you. This pain, longing, is worth it. Because your face overrides it all. And I do believe I will see you again, beyond dreams. Don't say a word, because I know you feel the same. Just promise not to forget me.. Even if you find someone else, someone you can hear, feel, touch. Someone to keep you warm at night and not trembling out of a confused and tattered dream.  
Know that your phantom is always here, waiting to be whole again.

I love you, Claire.


End file.
